confidence.

having the faith to believe that you are enough.
having the strength to believe that you are a perfect reflection of yourself.
having the desire to believe that each day is a challenge meant to build your foundation.
having the will to accept your feelings and those of others with understanding and compassion.

confidence
is built
and broken
and built
and broken
and built
and broken
and built
and broken
and built.

heartache.

when you are in love, the things you do are questionable. chemicals in your brain that once flooded your soul with butterflies and glitter... now cause you to go weak and fall to the ground. he hurts me. he hurts me in ways that i can't even begin to fathom. i can't seem to get a grasp why he makes me feel so alone and even at times soul sucked. last night i wished that i was dead... as i wandered by myself the streets of long beach... walking miles of circles, close to midnight i walked the dangerous, dark shoreline that we used to embrace with each other. one single pink rose i picked for myself... only the stars were shining back at me. tears continued to fall and i yelled out into the busiest of streets, ocean blvd, where no one gives a fuck about me... a small girl crying. "why can't i express myself?!" i screamed... more saline follows. "WHY?!" it seems impossible and i consider just walking out into this mess of cars and ending the worldly possession of this body... maybe in heaven i will have my artistic freedom. just maybe... but i have to pass through... and i'm pretty sure that God wouldn't exactly be so happy with me choosing that ending. hm. the dead inside feeling keeps going, and will continue on throughout the following day. dead inside. nothing i do is right. i am broken.