dulce de leche.

unexpected was the day when i awoke to the cancellation of my return. i no longer needed to pack my things... instead i went to the beach. unbelievable and ever so delicate is the ocean with her ways, this day was crystal clear and full of sea life.  watching a half moon rise over the horizon, dolphins play in the shore break and sting rays surf the waves, i spent my time wading in the calmest of manner, in disbelief that it was real.  i hope one day to capture this moment on canvas... or paper... or instrument of sound.  only time will tell how it will project itself.  soaking up sunshine and pretty smiles from a lovely lady that loves me all the while... her wishes of my presence, i am convinced, kept me here. 

hard to leave a place the feels more right than ever, i had to rest my eyes and thoughts for too long... a sunset was missed or just barely caught as i made my way to the oceanside jazz bar.  the strangest falling star caught my attention in the sky at dusk... no other star present except this bright one that fell straight to the ground.  i began to think of dark thoughts, captured again by the moon and distracted just moments later by the night's talent.  always welcomed by the drummer and attention caught by all the local faces... even this night has a violin.  as if the songs were for me, i tried to absorb all the vibration that was placed in such close proximity and remembered the cycle of repeat that is my "trip home."

changed and simmered from a summer that is only fourteen days keeps me from dragging out or dragging on, now a darker shade of olive and a brighter shade of personality... i am one with my sweet self and hope to carry this to another life that seems all too far away. 

wish me luck, sweet love.  

wish you were here.

time passes at a speed that is a whirlwind of good vibes and friendly engagements.  i am unsure of my reasoning for leaving this island in the first place, but i suppose that once you go you return with a fresh perspective. it was hard to leave the one i choose to love, alone, on the lonely west coast.  he was uneasy and caused tangles of insecurity over the whole trip.  i took this as a chance to practice self preservation and tried not to let him upset my beautiful smile.  instead i woke up early and swam with mother earth in her caribbean style sea, laid in the shining rays, danced with my best female counter parts and combed the sand in a southern region.  taking time for myself to become at peace, visiting new places in old victorian homes and listening to my favorite bands play their best songs upon my request.  this time was blissful and many things have... and haven't changed.  i have.  i feel new and vibrant.  my skin is a more familiar color and my hair still curls better dipped in sea salt.

i ponder the thought of next time before i've already left.  maybe even begin to envision the fall here with someone special.  it is too soon to say and honestly my truth is untold because it isn't really up to me anyway.  until then i say a prayer that my purpose becomes unfolded in a way that allows me to have personal, emotional security and the bravery to say how i feel. amen.

divide.

over time we have changed.
we have grown together, we have grown... apart.
our time was once a bright one, a good memory that will most likely be
forgotten... remembered, reminisced and reencountered.

for all it's worth... i still dream of you.
i still wonder what it is that draws me in
draws me near to your charm-ing effort
to keep me away. what else is there to say
but
"what if?"

what if we kept this fire burning
what if we kept this thing alive
what if we were to be forever
what if we gave it all away
what if we said goodbye


would i feel the stabbing pain that is
heartache

or would i feel free to be my true
self once again.

this time is sharp and slices like a knife
one with a serrated edge that isn't like
a clean cut,
but rather a ripping out of my vital life force
the beating, pounding, bloody pulp that
keeps me alive.