off the grid.

unexplainable expansion of time that crosses with personal readjustment... recalibrate the measure of soul bearing; exclusively showing only a few close interactions. retracting to be with self, retreating the laws of influenced existence. questioning one's motives & purposely pinning what builds a solid foundation. the past nine days have been a consistently inconsistent span of minutes that is far from reality... yet i have discovered what is real.

(repeat)

Caught Me. 

In the intricate silk fibers

Are hidden strengths that bend

Ever so slightly... With effort

And ease. Skipping from thread

To thread in a delicate fashion

As to connect each individual 

Strand to the next with

Structure. Creating the repetitive

Motions that pulse our soul

Touching the nimble legs upon

A lovers chest as you become 

Tangled in the essence. 

Trapped and tricked into

The invisible death bed that 

Is the look into a mirror.

Shaken until panic sets in with

The reality that life is indeed 

Caught up in this mirage of

Love... Graven images and false

Idols once more consume

Our precious time.

Slowly and painlessly the 

Creator comes to claim their

Feast. 


12.10.13

composer.

what?

how?

many voices suggestions questioning the  movement of planets, the 

radical new move

serenity of god

mind of god

follow the emotional turbulence of man

major(happy)

minor(sad) perception

659 vibrations

622 Em

37 vibrations between happy & sad

subtle

what is harmony?

expressioning emotions beyond the ability of words

technology

printing the codes... into the hands of all

share the insights of a lifetime

witnessing the transition of sorrow and anger

to the root of the moment of joy. 

symphony is the quest of freedom,

frontiers of sexuality

when the musician stops

the music stops

what last?

how can it change your life?

passing on ...

why?

passing things on

all the time

technology made everything available

pushed composers to the extremes

technology shifted the balance to 

instinctive

sliced-diced

what happens when the music stops?

unlimited access

take each performance seriously 

sharing

entertainment & education

if you are curious

if you are alive

you know all the you need to know

get lost

explore

it is out there.

la la land.

the trip across the country in an airplane has begun to feel as natural as calling a cab or catching a train. just a few thousand miles above earth and across the country, over one hundred years ago today the first flight was taken where i used to explore ... returning again i am stranded in a foreign land that i have(n't) occupied for almost two years. this day two years ago i was just an innocent east coast, southern girl with a suitcase and a dream. now i am a master at packing this suitcase and jet setting across our nation. i just give myself the credit for making it work, somehow. funds are low now and my immune system is a bit of a roller coaster... as with the emotions that constantly flood throughout my body. some how i managed to read an entire book today, consciously controlling the subconscious. it was written by a doctor in 1965, a quick read that was a bit repetitive but overall informative and it made me realize i need to just relax in order to calm my nervous system. i have to visualize my reality and that God is more concerned with my success... than failure. if i can just remember these words

collective

magic and wonder gather around as my new cells gather to change the shape, skew the lines... and form the collective. the divine internal compass has guided me to a new beginning. going to my area of creative selfishness... as i would consider, only for it to go straight to voicemail. over & over & over again. 

at last, this time is different. 

amen

6.21.2013

bright lights blind
my soul of the
desires of our world.
pressure seeps below
me & crosses the paths
for more twists & turns
below the spine.
each muscle tensing
from the pulse of our
time that stretches
across all the layers
sliced, diced pieces
splitting particles
that rip apart with
you help.
all of our lines faded
with age each
ticking moment is
the last chance you
have to make an
impression. lasting
marks on society
with the corners
sides of angled teeth.

acne.

at a loss of contentment when i look in the mirror... this is a new issue that arose just a few weeks ago. jokingly i claim that i am twenty-seven going on thirteen. it is an odd revelation that i should have to deal with this issue all over again, this time it is even more heart breaking because i once had good skin. lately the rashes have become worse and i sit and dwell on the scars, it feels debilitating and makes me want to just stay inside. washing my face has become this chemical science experiment and all day long i obsess over my appearance and how i can cure this "disease". hundreds of dollars and doctors... facials and online research all give me advice and recommend this and that, yet my skin has yet to improve. i feel helpless and hopeless in the healing process and have come to terms that maybe this skin problem just adds "character" to my appearance. i gather empathy for those that suffer from this and have improved in my make.up concealing skills. i wish, hope and pray everyday that soon my skin and body will regulate it's self to balance the problem from within and i will see my clear complexion glow once more.

zippers to nowhere.

i find myself tied to the idea of an unrealistic outcome. a future that simply awaits my arrival. the east soothes this tension that lingers in my skeletal system.. reflecting nervous symptoms, creating a new found feeling of confusion and lack of self-confidence. but why? when each and every one of us is created from within the divine. t h e  d i v i n e. the one that is the force that connects each soul to a manifestation of success. with belief comes... believers.... with believers comes... miracles.

put a stop to the nonsense and the "dumb hats" as fuller would say. put an end to the failure to realize that our selfish needs and wants are causing others pain. put an end to the naive nature surrounding our daily lives, but instead creating a sense of awareness that opens all doors. placing heaven on earth one small design at a time.

11:11

failure to capture and film of the last memories just made, one week goes by so fast when one of your loves is visiting. she has been on a three month tour of our country... most of the time spent on the west coast. i was blessed with her presence just around the time of my birthday. we had a lovely time exploring the retro row of downtown long beach, i discovered two stunning leather vintage shoes... both handmade in brazil. the decision to splurge and get both was well worth it with hopes that they will be in this life for many future travels.

the beautiful man i am acquainted with finished rehearsals early, exhausted from the day and all the creativity but he managed to pick a bouquet of flowers on his way and surprised me at the door.  a flood of emotion took over me as he presented this gift to me, i felt as if forever is just a day away.
we all took a few shots of tequila before making our exit from the apartment.

the birthday eve was quiet, as it was monday and a cloudy, raining day in california tends to keep most people indoors... we ventured to bo beaux downtown. sitting upstairs in the rooftop setting filled with french inspired foods. the music was odd and with the randomness of order and the accompanying music videos, we couldn't help but be entertained.

the next adventure was to an underground bar. it was supposedly one of the first speak-easy's in the city... if walls could talk. just a year ago it was converted into a quaint little whiskey parlor with taste from all over the world. enjoying a taste of several options and a beautiful favorite, that taste of leather and tobacco. we sat in the leather seated corner and played kings corners until throwing darts was more entertaining. i was thankful that other friends besides my intimate ones joined us...

as the clock strikes midnight, we head up onto the street and make the brisk walk back to the apartment. i feel lovely and i am (as usual) not ready to part ways with my lover. i convince him that we should drink on the porch... watch the moon. instead we all eat brownies on the dining room floor and he and i retire to my room for some... fun.

against the grain.

1. twelve hours of dark... flexible love.
2. drink whiskey, eat tacos... go home and wash my face.
3. believe in myself and the power that is...
4. transportation leads to creative projects.
5. growing greensssss
6. seeing rare observations.
7. kind observations of humanity.
8. structured art time.
9. tea time.
10. optional gems are rare
11. good lighting
12. melting
13. circus lights
14. silk shoes
15. claw bath tubs
16. sequins.
17. raindrops.
18. stormgray.
19. violet pearl drops.
20. attention
21. celibacy
22. sleep
23. moonshine
24. feminine awareness
25. detox
26. shimmer
27. change

wonder.

the first day of the year of (27) wonders
i wonder what will come first.
sips of well aged whiskey underground
with a few close loves, a game of darts.
throwing them "briskly" in a manner
that evokes speed and efficiency. one
more time again and again. mr. wins the
game with a precise number... i called it.
a walk back to the apartment, midnight
appears swiftly, calmly, no longer the
      first of December. my day of birth
    was a brilliant arrangement of subtle
moments all adding up to... a night full of
discovery. we reached positions that are
not our usual exploration, but much deeper
and thought out. i suppose that when i
said "forever", i meant exactly that. wrapped
up and dangling off the edge of the four
post bed, our long hair hangs... each crevice
is filled to the brim and i can't stand to ever
leave his passionate grasp. then morning comes...